So many famlies are currently being decimated by a 572,000 pound elephant in the room we don't talk about. This elephant has a name: pornography. It especially is affecting fathers, which is keeping them from giving all of themselves to their family.
The following is a message from a current client who wrote a message to his own grown up daughters. I offer this as a message of hope to those fathers who are trapped in the scourge of pornography and are looking for lasting freedom. As you read this, put yourself in the place of this man and then ask God what He wants you to do - Then go do that.
This is shared with permission from the author and has only been edited to protect the identity of the client as well as for grammar.
We have two adult daughters age 34 and 29. They found one of your forms [for Freedom Coaching] on the printer and asked my wife, "Is dad a porn addict?" I had already told my wife about this program. I believe she gave them a pretty good answer and represented me well. However, I felt they should hear from me directly, so I wrote this letter and sent it to them this morning. I thought you might like to see it.
Hello Precious Daughters!
Mom told me you saw one of the forms I was working on that addresses the problem of porn in our culture. Like it or not, this is a very real threat to so much that is precious and true. I am just a man, in case you haven't noticed 😊, and like so many men (and a growing number of women), I am affected by the pervasiveness of pornography. I am doing my best to not only keep my sexuality pure and under control, but I also want to help others. Research is percolating up now that is showing an alarming concern for the destructive effects of porn. The internet has become the primary source for this and it is appalling what's out there now. This is not "free speech" - this is evil.
As a young man, I was never exposed to anything like what is out there today. It has become a hideous monster which I believe Satan is using to destroy families, marriages, and lives. I am in the process of becoming educated about this scourge and how deep and dark the roots are. This isn't fun but I believe it is necessary. Human trafficking has become an issue which I believe the Lord has put upon my heart to become informed and to at least pray about. Virtually all of the hideous crimes we see today have its roots in porn compulsion. Fatherless families have deprived boys of the right to learn what it means to be a man, let alone a Godly man. Tragically they are left to their own devices. Porn used to be hard to obtain, but now with a click of the mouse, there are images unimaginable for free on the internet. Just as all sin looks enticing at first, it only leads to death and destruction. We all must take our heads out of the sand and deal with this horrific plague upon everything that is precious, sacred, holy, and true.
As for me, I am not a porn addict. I have a natural attraction to the opposite sex but I have always been able to control it pretty well. I find that now, with an iPad so close, it is difficult not to look sometimes. On those relatively rare occasions when I have, I felt terrible shame and guilt. I have had a hard time understanding this about myself, but I will not accept it as "just something guys do". No! It impedes my relationship with God. It demeans and objectifies other human beings. It is evil and I cannot participate.
In my research thankfully I have met an incredible person within the Catholic Church who is doing amazing work. His name is Steve Pokorny and his website is Freedom-Coaching.net. His credentials are a mile long and his approach is completely different from all the "just run away" methods that exist out there today. Instead, he goes to the root of the problem. Drawing upon Pope St. John Paul the Great's "Theology of the Body", he works with people to help them re-orient their view of the human body, its sacred, pure and precious aspects, restoring the view God means for us to have. With this beautiful perspective, we are no longer attracted to anything less.
Our culture has become "pornified", meaning that in almost every corner, someone is being used for a selfish purpose, whether it is to sell some product, to entice others to meet their own selfish needs, or the more diabolical goals of destroying lives, families, and marriages. I will not stand by and allow this to continue without doing all I can to fight. It starts with this program. This is a program which I intend to learn from so I will never again feel trapped by the temptation to view anything that demeans others, not just porn. I also want to become a coach for others if the Lord allows.
So that's it. I have no skeletons in my closet. I am, thankfully, a free and happy man living in the Light, and I want to stay that way and be a lamp for others. We all have things we need to change and improve upon; we are fallen people living in a fallen world - that's why we need a Savior. Thanks be to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who makes all things new!
Love you Love you Love you!
Steve Pokorny is the Founder of Freedom Coaching, a one-to-one mentoring system designed to break the power of pornified images. His book, Redeemed Vision: Setting the Blind Free from the Pornified Culture, is available through Amazon.